5 Myths About Women’s Sexual Desire.

There is so much misinformation floating around about women’s sexual desire. It is built up to be so elusive, it is no wonder women feel restricted in their expression of it.

 

As a researcher who focuses a lot of my attention on sexual desire, I think it is important to set the record straight when it comes to misinformation regarding women’s sexual desire.

 

Here are five myths decoded based on the science of desire:

 

Myth One: Women have lower sexual desire than men.

No! Research has found that women and men are equally likely to be the partner less desirous of sex. This hasn’t been found in just one study, either. In my own research alone, I’ve found a non-significant difference between men and women in three different samples of couples.

 

Myth Two: Sexual response involves desire, then arousal, and then orgasm.

Desire doesn’t have to come before arousal. The model most commonly taught is Masters & Johnson’s model of sexual response. It is linear. It doesn’t include desire. And it ends with orgasm followed by resolution (they say women don’t have to go through resolution, hence the ability for multiple orgasm). A sex therapist, Helen Singer Kaplan, came along and added desire to the model. But she left the model linear, with desire preceding arousal. A more recent model, created by Basson, allows for sexual desire to happen at any stage; much more accurate to women’s experience. Sometimes, you don’t have any desire but your partner starts messing around with you, arousal kicks in, and bam — there’s some desire you didn’t know you had. Desire doesn’t have to come first, and there is not necessarily anything wrong with you if it doesn’t.

 

Myth Three: 43 percent of women suffer from sexual dysfunction.

The still frequently-cited statistic from a study by Laumann and colleagues conducted in 1999 that 43 percent of women suffer from sexual dysfunction is, simply stated, inaccurate. It is based on a yes/no response option, where participants were asked whether they had experienced any of seven problems for two months over the past year. If the women answered ‘yes’ to any of the problems, they were categorized in that 43 percent statistic. This question didn’t give any context to the reason around the experienced problems (such problems included lack of desire for sex, anxiety about sexual performance and difficulties with lubrication). There are a lot of reasons other than ‘dysfunction’ that may account for those types of problems, such as health concerns, relationship issues or cultural expectations. We don’t really know how many people suffer from sexual dysfunction, because to be frank, we don’t really know whether it is a real dysfunction or not! But that is another topic for another day (but if you’re interested, here is some research and a website that may be of interest).

 

Myth Four: Women with high sexual desire are anomalies. A study on what were called ‘highly sexual women’ was recently published by Wentland and colleagues. Based on the responses of 932 women to their online questionnaire, they found that 52 percent of their sample could be classified as “highly sexual.” Although sexual desire itself was not measured here, it does give some insight that women who are highly sexual may not be as rare as one might assume.

 

Myth Five: Women are vastly different from men when it comes to sexual desire.

 

In the research I’ve conducted in the area of sexual desire, the most surprising (and perhaps interesting) result has been that there is just as much variation in desire within men and women as there is between men and women. What I mean by that is, people make assumptions that men and women are so different (not just regarding sexual desire — it goes beyond that), and this may all stem from the whole (recently debunked) ‘Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus’ idea. But this focus on differences doesn’t bring us closer together; it pushes us further apart. And I don’t have any research conducted in the past decade to support this vast gender difference when it comes to sexual desire. I’ve found that variations in sexual desire are much more of a relationship issue than a gender issue.

 

Women’s sexual desire (and men’s, too) is far from simple — it is more like a complicated puzzle, the pieces of which we are still trying to put together. Having pervasive sex-negative myths like those busted above floating around isn’t helping anyone. So, do your part to pass the truth on so we can start to get rid of these harmful messages about women and their expression of sexual desire.

 

By Kristen Mark

25 Ways to Have an Orgasm

Anyone who thinks that orgasms don’t matter is probably not having as many of them as they should. Orgasms are pretty nifty and feel so good, but they are also part of a healthy lifestyle for any woman.

 

Sex therapist Dr. Natasha Valdez explains the health benefits of regular orgasms, which include:

 

1.Relaxation – less stress and tension

2.Falling asleep and staying asleep better

3.More supple skin

4.Lower risk of heart disease Immunity boost

5.Reduced hunger and cravings for junk food

The problem is, not all of us are having them. In fact, 10 to 15 percent of women never climax under any circumstances.

 

Dr. Natasha can listed 25 top tips for having more (and better) orgasms.

 

1. Have sex regularly with yourself or with your partner: People always assume “sex” means two people, but masturbation is such a valuable tool in learning to get to know your body and what makes it go OFF.

2. Kegels during sex: Are you doing your Kegels?

3. Self-pleasure weekly: Weekly is a bare minimum for self-pleasure.

4. Know your body well: Your body may not be thin enough or fast enough, but enjoy it for what it CAN do and you will be so much happier.

5. Learn to de-stress: Meditation, yoga, and other relaxation techniques can help improve your sex life.

6. Clear your brain: This follows along with de-stressing.

7. Show your partner how you like it: You have to know your own body to do this, but mutual masturbation is a great way to really have mind-blowing orgasms.

8. Tell your partner how you like it: Words can be so much sexier than actions when it comes to sex.

9. Ask for more foreplay: You will have better orgasms if you tease yourself up a bit first.

10. Give yourself more foreplay: Get yourself started and THEN let him join in.

11. Invest in a Pocket Rocket: Look here and here for a fantastic way to get off quick.

12. Keep a vibrating bullet nearby: This is even better and easier to access while he is on top. Your hand won’t get smooshed!

13. Feeling connected to your partner increases your chances so … CONNECT: It’s not all about the bedroom. Talk about your days, remember why you love each other. Then lean back … and let go!

14. Oral sex … lots of it: Give AND receive.

15. Moan louder as you get closer: Noise HELPS. You may think it doesn’t but it does. It’s part of letting go.

16. Increase the sensitivity of the labia and clitoris by pumping more blood into it.

17. Love your lady parts: Think your vagina is ugly? Think again! Find out why he can’t get enough of it.

18. Don’t smoke: This one is obvious.

19. Don’t over-imbibe: Ditto here.

20. Take a yoga class and make love right after. Same goes for Pilates.

21. Stop faking: The quickest way to NEVER have one is to pretend like you did. No one will learn anything.

22. Focus on the clitoris and first third of the vagina.

23. During intercourse, have him massage your G-spot with his penis.

24. Stimulate your clitoris during sex

25. Keep an open mind and never ever tell yourself you can’t have one!

 

by Sasha Brown-Worsham

10 SEX POSITIONS FOR MIND-BLOWING ORGASMS

O, YES

I always thought it was a myth that there are certain sex positions that can help a woman climax faster and better. Say it isn’t so? If this is true, why haven’t we been schooling our men? I took my inquiry to the sex-perts and uncovered that there are, in fact, such positions. Obviously, I’m going to share them with you — that way, we can all be having the best sex of our lives! Read on for the top 10 sex positions for achieving mind-blowing orgasms.

 

1. The butterfly position or modified missionary

“With the woman on her back and her hips on the edge of the bed, the man penetrates her while standing. She then puts her legs over his shoulders and tilts her hips slightly upwards. This gives a wonderful angle for cervical stimulation with deep penetration that can produce some intense vaginal and uterine orgasms. With more shallow penetration, a man can stimulate the anterior vaginal wall to hit the G-spot.”

–Dr. Madeleine M. Castellanos, a psychiatrist who specializes in sex therapy

 

2. Modified coital alignment technique

“A couple starts off in missionary position. Once a man penetrates a woman deeply, he allows her to bring her legs together between his. He then shifts his weight slightly forward so that the shaft of his erection is producing firm pressure and friction on her clitoris as he moves. This works very well for women that prefer to have clitoral stimulation during penetration to reach a very powerful orgasm.”

–Dr. Castellanos

 

3. Baring the scepter

“Either partner can perform this technique, although the bottom person’s hands may be more able to pull it off. Form a ring with thumb and forefinger around the base of the penis. Then, pull down so the skin on the shaft is taut. This exposes more nerve endings and increases the penis’ sensitivity — it can also help maintain his erection. Engage in intercourse with your hand still encircling the base to send his pleasure soaring.”

–Jaiya, new world sex educator and author of “Red Hot Touch”

 

4. The counter top

“This is my favorite. It’s when the woman is laying on her back on the counter or table while he enters standing. It’s rough. There’s pushing aside of papers, pepper shakers which add to the sense of urgency and in appropriateness. It’s easy to maneuver and move the woman to slide along the counter. There is still contact. He goes deep and feels in control. It works all the way around. The keys are clothing, stuff in the way, and being in an open space. Still allows for connection while feeling dirty. It just works on so many levels. It’s not about acrobats. It’s about context.”

–Margaret Wagner, sex expert and founder of Bedroom Matters

 

5. The seated scissors

“This position allows the woman to have the control in order to determine the depth and angle of penetration, as well as how much clitoral stimulation she gets. With the man laying flat on his back and his knees bent, she straddles him with one leg to the side of his hip, and the other leg between his legs. The woman can then find just the right spot to grind against his pubic bone with him inside her. She controls the pace, the depth, and the amount of pressure and friction she receives. This is definitely a prescription for mind-blowing sex!”

–Dr. Castellanos

 

6. Get off, stand up

“I’m no [pro], but whenever I’ve had sex standing up and holding my partner in the air or up against the wall, it’s been mind-blowing for both of us. I suspect it taps into some of our innate gender differences: the strong man and the small woman, which in turn heightens the sexual experience. It also forces us to be in a full embrace, which furthers the emotional connection, as well as our physical one. It’s physically demanding and not for all couples but for those that can, it’s highly recommended.”

–Jim, an experienced heterosexual male

 

7. Uncloaking the clit

“Given a woman’s clitoris is buried under the clitoral hood and cushiony mons pubis surrounding it, it’s no wonder this tiny nub rarely receives enough stimulation during intercourse to catch the O-train. Your hands, though, can help change that. Form a ‘V’ with your index and middle finger and point your fingers toward your feet. Press this V onto the mons pubis, with a finger to each side of the clitoris. Then, pull up, moving the skin with your hand. This should unveil the hard-to-reach clit in all its glory, exposing this little love button to a lot more action.”

–Jaiya

 

8. Shake ‘n’ bake

“If you’re craving a quick-but-stimulating break from intercourse, this move is the perfect titillating timeout. To do it, the man withdraws and rests the tip of his penis on the clitoris. Then, hold the base of the penis and shake it quickly from side to side so that the head hits the clitoris with every wiggle. In doing so, you’ll be stimulating both heads at once — that of the clitoris and the penis — which should send you both into paroxysms of pleasure.”

–Jaiya

 

9. Pushing tush

“If your guy enjoys having his back door explored, reach around with both hands and grab both cheeks. From there, you can do ‘Butt Yoga’ (a technique whereby you spread the cheeks apart, then together, one up one down then vice versa) or ‘Anal Yoga’ (a technique whereby you place your middle fingers to the sides of the anus then spread them apart, then diagonally, then up and down). If that gets him hankering for more, feel free to delve deeper.”

–Jaiya

 

10. Happy scissors

“Heating up hot spots aren’t your hands-only talents. They’re also great at moving body parts where you want them, and this technique is a prime opportunity. During intercourse, raise your legs, then have your man hold an ankle in each hand. From there, you can spread her legs apart, hold them together, part them at 80 degrees, the options are endless. And since the tendons of the legs pivot deep in the pelvic cavity, moving them around will subtly alter the below-the-belt sensations for you both. Talk about getting a leg up on a little variety!”

–Jaiya

 

By Brie Gatchalian

How to Approach a Girl in Public…

is is a good way to approach women in a public setting without seeming creepy. You can meet women anywhere, you just need to know where and how to look. Who knows, you may even meet your future wife standing at a bus stop!

 

Start Looking

1.Get out in public and seek them out. Most intelligent and classy girls do not go door to door looking for dates.

Remember, the more you put yourself out there, the easier things will get. You may not win each girl over, but you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t.

2. Enter a public place, acceptable place. If you approach women in dimly-lit or abandoned parking lots, you’re not going to be successful, no matter how charming you are.

City centers work great.

Bars and clubs have the benefit that women expect to be approached there, which means your intentions are usually pretty clear. The drawback is that you may get less time to convince them you’re interesting or worthy of their time.

Make Contact

1.Seek eye contact. If you see someone you’d like to meet, try to make eye contact before talking to her. Once you catch her eye, try to maintain eye contact.

If you repeatedly make eye contact with someone, it could be a sign that she wants you to approach her. Experts say that it takes three peeks from a girl to signal to a guy that she wants to be approached.

Don’t overdo the eyes. After eye contact is made, don’t just sit there gazing at her like a stalker. Be sure you move onto the conversation part before long, or she could try to avoid you.

2. Smile. A friendly smile is a great way to show someone that you’re interested in them. Try to avoid leering, however. You don’t want her to think you’re a player. First impressions are very important.

Practice your smile beforehand. Is it sincere? Does it look inviting, not cocky? There are many different emotions that are voiced in a smile; make sure you choose the right ones!

 

Start Talking

1. Approach with confidence. Don’t use cheesy pick-up lines (a pick-up line is a conversation opener with the intent of engaging an unfamiliar person for sex, romance, or dating). Start with something simple to break the ice.

2.Keep your environment in mind. This is called pacing. You want to think of something appropriate to say in that environment.

3.Have a fun conversation. After you’ve gotten her attention with a situational comment, you can start to have a conversation.

4.Work in subtle compliments as conversation starters. Work on her flattering a little bit by mentioning something about her looks.

Don’t talk about feminine body parts, as a rule of thumb. Most girls are not flattered when you talk about their breasts, especially if you don’t know them. So play it safe and compliment their hair, their eyes, their lips, or their clothes.

Make Future Plans

1.Have a goal for the end of the conversation. If she let’s you charm for a short while and you think you have a shot at seeing her again or continuing the conversation somewhere else, have a “closer” in mind.

One closer could be asking for her phone number or email address. If things are going smoothly you’ll want to maintain contact with her. It’s common for guys to think a woman is uninterested, but when they ask for her phone number they find out she is actually very eager to give it to them.

Another closer could be going on an instant date. Ask her if she wants to grab a meal somewhere. Always choose a public place for an instant date; you want her to feel comfortable.

2.Take a hint if she’s not interested. If she’s busy, or if your comic genius is not being appreciated, then say, “It was great to meet you” and cut your losses. If you come on too strong, some women might feel threatened.

Remember, you’re going to be shut down some of the time. It just comes with the territory. But the upside is that you’re also going to have some success. If you’re nice, funny, and charming, your successes will far outweigh your failures.

Never get upset at a girl if she doesn’t want your attention. Take her refusal with as much grace as possible. You never know if you’ll see her again, or if she’ll feel bad about not giving you a chance and come back to talk to you. You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

3.Give yourself a pat on the back. Whether or not you succeed on your first attempt to meet a girl in public, you have just increased your confidence level. If you approach enough women in this way it won’t be long before you find someone who you share real chemistry with……best of luck.

 

Loss Of A Child

Grieving the Loss of a Child

 

The loss of a child is the most devastating experience a parent can face-and missing the child never goes away. A piece of yourself is lost and your future is forever changed.

The age of the child at the time of death does not lessen the hurt or devastation. It feels completely unnatural for a child to die before his or her parents.

Many grieving parents question whether life will hold any meaning for them and wonder how they will survive the pain of their loss. Parents describe the feeling as having a hole in their heart that will never heal, and may blame themselves and ask, “If only I had.” Or they may be angry with their spouse, the physician, God, or the government.

Parents feel alone and isolated in their grief, as friends and relatives are often at a loss as to what to say. But it is important to talk to people who understand the loss. This may be family, friends, clergy, therapists, or support groups.

Everyone suffers loss in different ways depending upon their beliefs, culture, family history, and relationship with the person who died. It doesn’t mean that others care less if they mourn differently than you do. Grief can also vary greatly depending upon how the child died. While some losses are less visible, such as miscarriage, other experiences of loss are more traumatic, such as an accident, illness, murder or death during war.

 

Types of Loss

Miscarriage affects about 25 percent of women who become pregnant during their lifetime. The experience of pregnancy loss can be devastating to couples, yet the majority of women who miscarry become pregnant again soon after the loss. This can become emotionally and physically challenging for the couple. They are often plagued with concerns about the possibility of another miscarriage and whether they made an appropriate decision to conceive again.

Stillbirths, occurring in about 1% of pregnancies, can leave a feeling of disorientation, yearning and despair. Hospitals will give parents the option of spending time with the baby to say goodbye, and many parents have said that seeing their child was important for their grief process and enabled them to see the baby as a part of themselves. Another form of infant loss is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)-the most frequent cause of death in children under one year of age-that creates a profound void and sense of loss in the family.

Approximately 2,000 children are reported missing every day, and these kidnappings and cases of missing children cause parents almost unbearable pain. Not knowing whether a child is dead or alive results in confusion, fright and anxiety. When the bodies of kidnapped children are found, parents may express saddened relief that their children can now have a proper burial and healing can finally begin.

The parents of murder victims face many unique struggles in their process of bereavement. A sense of loss of control is common, and the suddenness of the death is so overwhelming that, for a period of time, parents are often incapable of processing through the grief. For this group, dealing with spiritual beliefs, attitudes toward life, and general physical health may hold special importance.

 

Marital Stress and the Death of a Child

Parents often experience more anger, depression, guilt, and physical symptoms than those grieving other losses. Conflict can occur between the parents due to lack of understanding about each person’s way of expressing grief. Marital problems, which were present before the child’s death, can re-emerge, often with increased strength. Blaming can occur and the words that are said to each other in anger and grief can have a lifelong impact.

With time, the pain lessens and a different future is created. During the bereavement period, a wide array of emotions and symptoms can be experienced, such as denial, self-blame, sleeplessness, fatigue, anxiety and despair. These are all normal parts of the intense grieving process, and the intensity of feelings change as you move through bereavement.

 

How Can I Help Myself?

Keep a journal; sometimes it is helpful to put down in words what you are feeling and thinking.

Talk about your child, if you want to. Although it may be painful, it can help you heal.

Take time to do a familiar activity with your family. This helps to provide stability when your world is feeling chaotic.

Join a support group; parents often respond that becoming involved in bereavement groups helped them through their loss and with their relationship.

Seek therapy when you, or others close to you, feel that your grief is becoming too difficult to bear, or is too prolonged.

 

What Types of Help Are Available?

Family Therapy: The death of a child touches everyone in the family and forever changes its landscape. Sadness, anger, and hopelessness are some of the emotions often felt by bereaved parents. Family therapists are specially trained to understand the profound impact of this loss on an individual and a family and can assist through a time of bereavement.

Support Groups: Support groups for bereaved parents offer a place to talk about your child, your loss, fears, anger, anxieties and other feelings. These groups also help parents learn from the experiences of others who have suffered the same or a similar type of loss. Several support groups provide services for other family members, such as siblings and grandparents. Contact one of the organizations listed below for information about group support in your area.

Written by Margo F. Weiss, PhD.

 

Masturbation, Myths And Sexual Health Benefits

Definition..

Masturbation is commonly defined as the stimulation, by manual or other means exclusive of coitus, of another’s genitals, especially to orgasm.

 

The stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals, especially to orgasm; sexual self-gratification.

 

The stimulation can be performed using the hands, fingers, everyday objects, or dedicated sex toys.

Mutual masturbation, which is masturbation with a partner, can take the form of non-penetrative sex.

 

Masturbation is a common and safe kind of sex play, yet it is generally avoided as a topic. It is a natural and common activity for both women and men.

Women who masturbate are more confident, more knowledgeable about their bodies, enjoy more fulfilling sex lives, have better marriages, and have better overall health, according to certified nurse midwife Carrie Levine.

Unfortunately, female masturbation has been demonized along history and many women feel shame and guilt, which prevents them from enjoying the self-gratification that comes with masturbation.

 

There are many harmful myths about masturbation that may cause us to feel uncomfortable about it. These myths they say can cause guilt, shame, and fear, This is partly because masturbation has been wrongly labelled as deviant, dangerous and sinful over the years and many of these out-dated myths still exist

 

MYTHS..

Masturbation has been wrongly blamed for a range of health problems, including:

Blindness

Mental health issues

Sexual perversion

Reduced sexual function.

 

Sexual health benefits..

Some of the known sexual health benefits of masturbation include the following:

1.It’s a safer form of sex that carries no risk of sexually transmissible infection or unplanned pregnancy.

2.It releases sexual tension and lets people explore their sexuality by themselves. It might suit those who don’t have a partner, aren’t having sex with their partner or are abstaining from sex.

3.Being familiar with your own sexual responses helps you communicate your wants and needs to your partner.

Masturbation is a common treatment for sexual dysfunction. For example, women who don’t orgasm can learn by masturbating and men who experience premature ejaculation can use masturbation to learn control.

If She Is Interested (Dating)

1.Note physical contact. Everyone has a personal “bubble” of about 18 inches. If she gets into your personal space, or even finds excuses to touch you, you can bet she’s interested. Be ready for any “tests” she might make for herself—stepping into your personal space to let someone walk past, touching your arm as a condolence when you’re sad, or putting her hand on your knee to emphasize that she finds you funny are all quick breakdowns of the physical barriers to see how you react.

If you’re interested in her, respond by doing a few little “tests” of your own. She’ll know you’re interested, and it’ll open up the doors for longer, more prolonged touching.

 

2.Be aware of eye contact. A woman will let you know she thinks you’re the most interesting person in the room by staring into your eyes. If you’re just getting to know each other, she will only hold it a couple seconds longer than normal. However, if you know each other well, she may feel comfortable enough to stare deep into your eyes for long periods of time.

It takes two. She can’t make prolonged eye contact with you if you shift your gaze. If you’re uncomfortable by her advances, feel free to look away quickly. However, if you’re interested in her, let the eye contact last for a couple seconds before you let yourself (or her!) look away.

 

3.Gauge her giggle factor. Take notice of how often she smiles or laughs around you comparatively to other people. Often times, a woman who’s interested in you will find it hard to stop laughing in your presence. This may be during a conversation with you, during which she’ll make lots of eye contact, smile, and giggle or laugh at even the most pitiful jokes, or it may be simply when she’s in the same room with you. Look also for overly loud, boisterous behavior when she’s engaged in a different conversation in the same room; it’s a sure sign she wants you to notice her.

 

4.Be mindful of “cute” gestures. There are a few gestures that women will make to encourage your desire to take her into your arms. The most important of these is the shoulder shrug. Open, upturned palms are also important signs that she’s interested.

 

5.Check out her heartbeat. If you are comfortable enough with each other to cuddle, put your head on her chest. If her heart is racing, she’s really interested. If you’re not comfortable enough to get close to her heart, check out her wrist pulse. Lightly grab her hand and rest a finger on her wrist. This is difficult to master, but if you can pin down a racing heart, you have a pretty good sign that she’s very into you.

 

You can also gauge her heartbeat by observing her breathing patterns. This is just as difficult, if not more so, than feeling for a pulse, but doesn’t require prolonged touch. When you’re sitting next to each other during a movie, lightly brush up against her. If she’s breathing very quickly, it’s probable that she’s interested. If she’s holding her breath, she might be trying to hide the fact that she’s breathing hard.

 

6.Look for mirrored movements. Often, a woman who is interested will subconsciously mirror your movements. This shows that the two of you are on the same wavelength and can thus increase intimacy in the relationship. That’s why dancing is considered intimate or sexy—it forces you to mirror each other’s movements!.. *wink*