“Where the hell is this sheet of paper?” I said aloud, I practically emptied my bags. Shit!
“Ice!, are you done?, your food is getting cold” my mum said behind my door.
“Almost done mum” I shouted back and decided to quit the search for the paper. As I got dressed, my eyes fell on the suspension letter on my dressing table and again my heart skipped. I sat down on my bed and stared at it, then said a silent prayer.
As I silently ate my food, so many questions ran through my mind, I raised my head and stared at my parents one after the other and wondered to myself who i inherited my sexual preference from; was it my mum or my dad?, or was it just a phase?, or was it just me being me?.
I had so many questions that needed answers, I …..
“So how was the term?” my mum asked, bringing me back to reality.
“It went well”
“And your exams?”
I wasn’t in a good mood for questions and answers, although this was a tradition, so I tried not too show how irritated I was at that moment.
“It was alright” I said at last as I bit into my beef and chewed.
“So what was your position?, and please don’t tell me 3rd” and they both laughed.
I had always been 3rd in class almost all my life and I began to wonder whatever happened to 1st or 2nd?.
“Well I didn’t come 3rd this time, I came 8th” keeping a straight face, as I dropped my cutlery. There was silence, I was expecting that so it didn’t really come as a surprise.
“Ice are you okay” my mum asked now worried, as she placed her palm on my hand, I gazed at her hand on mine as she kind of caressed it, i could detect from her voice she was worried, she knew me too well and knew something was eating up her dear daughter.
“Am fine”, I paused then gazed at my dad squinted my eyes and said “just tired”.
Now looking for an excuse to leave the dining, and on cue, the phone rang. I tried to get up but the househelp got there before me. “Great”! I muttered under my breathe. I had to sit back down.
“Hello, good evening ma’am”….silence
“Yes she is”..another silence
“Please hold on”
“Aunty Ice,its for you”
I rushed up…
“Ice! Its me Lexy”
“Hey hun” I said with a smile, then gazed towards my parents and decided to back them, they both looked at each other and had a worried look on their faces, no longer eating.
“Have you told them” she asked me from the other end,
“No!” paused..”I haven’t” as I missed a heart beat again., then ran my fingers on my forehead.
“Me too, am so scared Ice, so very scared”.
“I know the feeling Lex, but I think what has to be done has to be done”.
“I wish I never visited you that night” she said with all seriousness.
“What did you just say?” Getting irritated the more. Here was someone I thought could help me out of my mood, instead she was trying to aggravate it.
” Listen Lexy…..”
Then she hung up. Great!
I slammed the phone down, out of annoyance.
“Ice!” I heard my dad’s voice, I ran up the stairs ignoring my dad and into my room, bolted the door, stood for a few seconds my back against the door, then i began to walk around trying to calm my nerves, “you cant do that” I said to myself, “you cant break down Ice, you just cant”..
To be continued.